Where is my sugar daddy?

Stress seems to find me at odd times. Like today, for instance. Work was fine, just a bunch of totally managable 3 & 4 year olds. No one bit anyone, or hit anyone. I come home, get the mail, find the credit card bill has come today. Open it up.....over budget. $700 over budget. Granted, we did pay for the car tags this month, but still. I'm not sure how it happened. It's not like I'm walking around with a bunch of new clothes or jewels. In fact, I don't remember the last time I actually bought my self something. Unfortunately, the fact remains that I still have Brad's reaction to the amount to look forward too when he gets home. I think I am having actual heart palpatations over this. Why does life have to always, eventually, revolve around money? Lack of, or spending of, or saving of, or wasting of? We are not poor. We are not wealthy. We are one of the millions of middle class I guess. How is it so hard to stay on budget when you don't do anything or go anywhere? I cannot figure it out. I don't like today.

WWMD

Is it possible to have dementia at 37? There are times that I really think I am crazy. I seem to have a tendency to get really annoyed at things that don't deserve that much thought. For example, I was getting out of my car at work one day and the car next to me had a "WWJD" thing hanging from the rear-view mirror. Instantly my brain went into some sort of annoyance overdrive. How in the hell would I know "what would Jesus do" in any given situation?! The better question is "what would Mehgan do"! I guess that only applies in my life though. My point is, though I don't consider myself religious in any way, my understanding of Jesus and his teachings is to be a good person. Treat your fellow man in a manner that you yourself would like to be treated, golden rule et all. I know there is more to his teachings, but i am summarizing. Back to WWJD, shouldn't I focus on "WWMD"? In my attempt to be a good person, be kind to my fellow man, blah, blah, blah, why do I need to stop and think about what Jesus would do when, clearly, he would have no idea what to do in a modern situation as he died a really long time ago and had no concept of, for example, what to do when an ass-hole cuts you off in traffic. Full ramming speed or let it go? Hopefully I don't burst into flame for voicing this thought.

The circle of life

Got to tell Ella how babies get into Mommy's tummy's yesterday. That was fun. She asked me how they got there and I said to her "when a mommy and daddy really love each other, they make a baby." Stupidly thinking this would apease her. She thought about it for a second then said "No Mom, HOW do they get there?" Hmmmmmmm, sex ed for the 7 year old. How much info to give? So I said "Remember how boys and girls have different private parts? Well, the man puts his private part into the woman's private part. And that makes a baby." All she said was "EWWWWW!" And now my work as a parent is done. I think she knows enough to go out into the world now.

?

" The times, they are a changin" Well.....sometimes I think I float around here in my little life, content. Then suddenly a big rock falls on me. Brad quit his job, out of the blue. I knew he was unhappy, but still, it was a surprise. Now another adventure has begun, the birth of "The Chef Course". I have no idea how to run a business, but I guess I'll learn. I think it's a fabulous idea and I can't find anything in the area that is like it, but still am nervous. (for anyone that actually reads this, please visit www.thechefcourse.com for more information). Could be really great, hope it takes off.
On a different note, I alternate between "the best, most beautiful mom. I love you so much" to "the worst mom EVER! I never let them do anything!" I'm quite proud of the fact that I am capable of flipping a complete 180 in such a short amount of time. It's a gift. It might be a long summer.
I had several things in my head to ramble about but now they are gone. Must be a blonde thing. All I want to do is sit here and drink coffee and look out the window at the rain. Motivation=0.

Miss my dad. March 8, 1939-June5, 2009

Things I love (in free-flow form)

I love....hot coffee cold beer bedtimes watching my children sleep Ella's puffy pouty lips when I kiss them the freckles on Jack's ever-changing face Brad the smell of new tires and gasoline cheese Judy's strength Kristin's sense of humor the way Kim makes me feel like I'm not a complete moron my dog the cat (when she's not moving, puking, or meowing) a drink on an empty stomach the fact that Brad recognizes when I do things just for him (even though it sometimes takes years for him to realize it) the kid's giggles people with the same warped sense of humor as me fried chicken WC girls weekend at the lake (next time I won't drink so much the first day) the condo in Cabo a meal that someone else makes kids that give answers to questions you never asked Dad (miss you) books that I can read 20 times and never get tired of the History Channel e-mailing Kristin phonetically just to piss her off thinking that I'm actually a good cook other people's babies the fact that Jack still tells me he loves me house slippers love in the afternoon Olivia Newton-John as "naughty Sandy" in Grease all of my fabulous friends that make me feel like maybe I'm not entirely crazy Brad Jack Ella

I'm not good at titling things

Is a "blog" considered a "blog" if you only post new stuff once a month? Just wondering. Alot has happened in the last month though. Jack is now 10. Such a strange concept, having a child that is now double digits. I know that puberty and the teen years are rushing at us at an alarming rate and if I really stop to think about it, I start to hyperventilate. How is it possible that Jack is that old? My sweet, fat little baby boy is soon to be smelly and hormonal. "Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset".......I don't think my problem lies in the fact that I am aging as well, I think it has more to do with the speed at which time is passing. Brad and I have been together for 16 years now. 16 YEARS! I can't even wrap my head around that one. My children are healthy and growing, I am married to a man that I love more each day, I have fabulous friends, and a wonderful family that I would not be who I am without them. From the outside looking in, I imagine my life looks pretty perfect. And for that I am thankful.
On a more cranky note, I did not get accepted to Radiology Tech. school. That really sucks! Basically, I have busted my ass for the last year taking all the pre-reqs and driving all over the fucking city delivering transcripts that were supposedly sent (not) to cranky program directors. Sat through a really odd interview, only to be rejected. Oh yeah, got straight "A"'s in all of those pre-reqs too, but apparently that wasn't enough. Bastards! I want to poke you in the eyeballs! KK did send me a loverly card though. Thank you KK.
So, I guess I just continue to work for another year and try again next January.
Forrest Gump was right. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. I guess right now, I get the strange nougety ones that no one wants to eat.

February 15, 2010 Day 1

So, I am not so vain to think that what goes on inside my head is so important that is must be published for all humanity to read. I think it's more a matter of trying to get all this crap out of my head so that maybe I can sleep better at night. That's the theory anyway.

So for the probable 2 people that will read this (Kristin, you'd better be one of those 2), a small peek into the inner workings of my brain.



First, a little history......I am a regular person most of the time. Though there are times when I think that the real reason I'm tired and have a headache alot of the time has nothing to do with stress or work or family, but is the result of a giant softball sized tumor in my head that is slowly turning my squishy gray matter into a sponge. On the flip side, my capacity to remember medical type terminology/human anatomy stuff has increased. It's like the movie "Phenomenon" without the genious part. Or maybe closer to "Rainman". These are definately not my underwear. Tomato, tomahto..... But I digress. Husband and monkey children are the center of my universe. Life is pretty close to picture perfect most of the time, though there are moments that are a little challenging. Recently Ella has decided that she is incapable of doing anything for herself, that it is my job to cater to her every whim. REALLY ANNOYING! Had to have a discussion the other day, while standing in the parking lot of Price Chopper, about how she should be nice to me because I am her mother, not because she would get some kind of prize in return (she had just asked me if I would buy her something if she was nice to me while we shopped). Princess has her days.

Jack....what to say about Jack. As aggressive, driven, and bulldozer-ish that Ella is, Jack is not. I find it amazing that these 2 came from the same parents. Ahhh, the wonders of genetics. Thinking about how he will turn 10 in less than a month almost makes me hyperventilate. Not only does it reflect the fact that I am getting older, but it reminds me that puberty is just around the corner. I don't think I'm quite ready for that.

I leave you with a bit of wisdom I got off of a restaurant menu...everyone seems normal until you get to know them.